Widgetitis was a technology gag strip I put together with Dave Belmore (co-writer), John Waltrip (early artist) and Chris "Doc" Martin (later artist) from 2010-2011, an eternity ago in tech-reporting time! This is the entire run, minus a few filler postings.

Note that each panel has its own alt text and hyperlinks, though some of those links are now out of date. Still, I hope you'll enjoy this look back into what worried and fascinated us during the early 2010s! It was preceded by the shorter and even more tightly tech-focused Search Engine Funnies.

Sort of. Copyright theft: so kyoot! He just tasted the page, really.

Oo, look at Phil's socket T-shirt! Think there's a market for one like that? The Wii Tennis Racket. No gamer athlete should be without one. Who's really at fault here?

It is possible that Phil has too much free time. If you don't know what WPA2 is, we've already stolen your identity. Actually, we haven't found any insane roommates with Craigslist. Just insane landlords.

If you don't recognize at least one of these phones, just stop reading here. You can tell by the price. To defy James Cameron is to defy CYBERENVIRONMENTALISM.

Truly one of the great letter-inversions in pop-culture history, right up there with the Gorillaz. See? It's durable. Oh, Tyler. You think this is the worst this strip is going to do to you?

How does it work??? WE MUST KNOW. Thanks to Tod Kurt for showing us the Roomba's tiny brain, cursed with thoughts of cleaning, cleaning... always cleaning. It means 'allegedly accidentally, but not really.' Our... um, friends... use it all the time. So why so few Google results? Can't be that w-- er, our friends aren't cool. GET ON THE BALL, GOOGLE.

Price: $599.99. A.I. costs one near-death experience. Warranty void. Younger readers will just have to indulge us for a few strips. What we're referencing is, after all, a seminal work in the field of science fiction. Okay, okay, it's not. But without it we wouldn't get WALL-E, and you wouldn't want that, would you?

2001 confused us, too. Susan's dad is old-school military. It's where she gets the discipline. Mothers don't always give the best gifts. Daughters can't always say no. VRAP.

The possibilities are endless. More Eighties-inspired plot developments. Next installment, Madonna shows up with a New Coke. And here's an outdated NINETIES reference. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S COMING NEXT WITH US. WE KEEP PUSHING THE ENVELOPE.

The SSID 'linksys' is just kind of embarrassing, like a blink tag. We can't think of anything! But maybe we should inspect to make sure. Also not recommended: 'bleeptest.'

The rule of threes is a bitch. Why's the Nook named for an empty space, anyway? The Wiimote in your brother's eye.

Yes, this actually happened. This link is NSFW. Hint: any link to anything that begins with a 'vaj' sound is NSFW. Gmailers exclusively since 2005! We're screwed.

Of all the Google logos we've ever seen, this one is the Charlie Brownest. But is it also a particle? The Google Buzz logo has been blackballed from the international speech balloon convention, and those guys even let the MCDONALD'S LOGO in.

Inspired by true events. Myspace and Facebook may have aided real-life stalkers, but Twitter pioneered the e-stalk. YOU ARE NOW PART OF THE DIGITAL REVOLUTION, STALKED PEOPLE. Eric Schmidt doesn't NEED Twitter to follow anyone, of course, but just imagine the privacy concerns of the people in whom he takes an INTEREST.

We thought about casting Zach Galifianakis as Eric Schmidt and making the director Zack Snyder. More like STINKtomi. We also considered Bruce Springsteen, Michael Jackson, and Lady Gaga for the Eric Schmidt role.

Well, that and the powerful stick-figure lobby. Yes, people do this. They also say 'LOL' out loud instead of laughing. Just accept it. These are the only spiders still crawling Digg. Deadd.

e. Transform patent holder into dick.

We think CNET cast the wrong [zak] in its version (click the link). We also thought about casting Zach Galifianakis as Eric Schmidt and making the director Zack Snyder. More like STINKtomi amirite We also considered Bruce Springsteen, Michael Jackson, and Lady Gaga for the Eric Schmidt role.

And now we hit the 2000s-era cliche of the Robot Roommate. Stay tuned as new Widgetitis installments give you the CLICHES OF THE FUTURE. T-U-R-I-N-G. You can hardly blame Tyler: neither Dave nor John spelled it correctly on the first try either. Phil is, fortunately, above the legal soda-drinking age enforced by the diabolical Mr. Fizz.

Oh, you exposed it to BODY HEAT, didn't you? Sign of the times: Apple announcing that version 5 will be NOT THE SAME as version 4 somehow qualifies as grounds for fevered speculation. Alternately, The iPhone 5: Don't Hold It That Way.

Don't ask what they do with the coffee. Someday a cloud of nanites will make the current definition of 'vaporware' obsolete, but humanity will probably have bigger problems by then. Don't most people get into therapy to STOP crying?

Google Street View just took on a whole new meaning. Eric Schmidt is already 65% wind-powered. Google Auto Complete.

Schmidt-talking. Snow Jobs. Ballmer before the storm.

Like when a cat saves a mouse from a trap so that the CAT can eat him. It's not your fault you're living your life wrong... it's the fault of every phone that isn't made by Microsoft. Oh, no! A blogger doesn't like it! Cancel the second wave immediately!

Dedicated in part to T's dad, a retired ad exec who did spots against drunk driving and public profanity and oops, we forgot to make this text funny. SHINYYYYYYYYY. Lost your faith in humanity? Don't worry! We have a T-shirt for that.

This link will take you to an annoying, overfriendly video, just the kind of thing mySpace (now Myspace) always did best. After all this time, still no one has told them that there's only so much design chaos that black and gray can cover up. The first Google result for 'Myspace tastemakers' takes us to a Myspace page for-- we swear this is true-- 'Colourblind Tastemakers.' Also, the creepy pedostache-face in this panel is taken almost directly from Myspace's own ad. Honestly, making fun of this almost feels redundant.

Not enough to not see it or anything, but still. Currently at 165,000 followers, the same sort of people who keep bad comic strips in the newspapers. Because brands can make more when they train you to let them do most of the thinking.

noWay. noWay. noWay.

I don't HATE you, man! I just think you're a dying relic that consumes all my battery. Normally the only languages that get this treatment are Taiwanese and Klingon. Doesn't know he's dead? Hey, the Barry Allen comparisons just keep coming!

Based on true events. Still based on true events, which is a polite way of saying I'm an idiot. NOW REPEAT . 'I AM A LOST LITTLE LAMB' . FOR THE NEXT . TWO-AND-A-HALF MILES.

Have you ever used Ask Jeeves/Ask.com? It's more like asking Bertie Wooster. By the way, did you know that Bertie Wooster was sometimes played by Hugh Laurie? I found that out on... YouTube. The rest of this story plays out a bit like THE REMAINS OF THE DAY, only more depressing.

Also rejected, intended to celebrate Hannukah: Joogle.

Those are pictures of HER kitties, not lolcats, which are still old news but more like 2006 than 1996. Yep, you sure do have your own e-mail server, all right. Two names for me to remember instead of just one. Woo. You're only as young as you feel.

(Note: click this one as a "voter" to get the full effect.) JuntaDemocracy Piracy's an issue. In response to it, Facebook pirates the words right out of your mouth before they reach your friends' ears. Microsoft does it for free upon request, the suckers. We thought about saying it 'deletes all questionable content' but were worried Jeph Jacques fans might misunderstand.

Or you can be rude for returning calls too, whatever. There are netiquette rules specifically for Facebook now. My uncle thinks it's rude to BE ON Facebook. Also for Twitter. There's a RIGHT way and a WRONG way to be text-messaging narcissism.


You young people out there still know what Walden is, right? I ask because the other day I ran into somebody who didn't know who Greta Garbo was. She only remembered it when I started singing a Madonna song. ...Everyone still remembers Madonna, right?

Susan has Dave's job, and his 9:00 pre-second-cup-of-coffee mindset. At this point, not having liked the Simpsons once is equivalent to asking, 'Just who is this Jesus person, anyway?' By Tyler's standards, wearing that striped tie is as festive as anyone else coming into work in a reindeer suit. A SEXY reindeer suit.

Fear of looking stupid has inspired some of our greatest advances. Backwards. Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? It is the sound of inevitability. You remember him, don't you?

Seriously, what do I get this year, books or downloads? Being a considerate gift-giver is hard. Kinect: Another game that diskinects human movement from actual activity. DANCE, HU-MAN MEAT-BAG. DANCE.

We pretty much stole this one directly from Danny Sullivan.

Subjecting Google itself to the same test gives us, in order, 'Skynet,' 'gay,' 'watching you' and 'awesome.' I think we can all agree that if the first three are all true, the fourth logically follows.

(Guest strip by Phil Kahn)

As always, the function would just interfere with Jobs' design philosophies. Like putting enough vents in stuff. It's for the best. The potential skeeviness of a Google-powered online dating site is too much to bear. It's a first world miracle.

There are at least a dozen of these I can't help but feel could be replaced. The fifth element, of course, is boron. Not sure why they had to do all thar running around just to find that out. Dave went on to recommend this improved trailer for the Green Lantern film. Nathan Fillion's in it now? SWEET.

In fact, you can gawk at the website for a full fifteen minutes. One might even say it was gawker media! The history of paysites suggests a gentlemen's club might be a better simile. Punch the nerd and win!

Yes, this is an old one, but why should Barksdale benefit from our collective short attention span?

But hey, don't judge a chat by the color of its skin! Does Godwin even apply here? Increasingly, it seems like Andrey Ternovskiy is doing most of his talking to himself. Image Map

Where's the browser patch to stop hearing about people's urinary habits? You know, I.P. protection?

Or more like America ON-WHINE amirite A plasticized caricature of civilized behavior. You made this bed, Tim. This bed of flowers. And now you're lying in it, while others fertilize it.

You can't tell us it's been delayed because it's so GOOD.

Mark Pincus' refreshing honesty almost makes up for the way he intentionally scammed millions of users. No, not really.

The next Bill Gates, or the next Jerry Yang? Believe me, you don't want to be an Apple underling who gets 'Cooked.' You don't get 500 million friends without getting a few people who can't decide whether to attack you or suck up to you.

It's also the world's most passive-aggressive tattoo. You think we're kidding.

Announcing the return of the G-Man from Search Engine Funnies, because no character ever truly dies if two fans feel nostalgic about him. Harry Shum wants Google to stop telling his son that he is a bad person. Bing refuses to say just how much it's taking from Google results. They don't have to answer your questions, because they're not a search engine, they're a DECISION engine. They've decided you should shut up.

Yes, quantify the exact percentage of untruth in the characterization. That will show everyone how wrong Aaron Sorkin is about you trying to reduce humanity to simple equations. Since this fake Zuckerberg is the nicest, most popular incarnation yet, Facebook hopes to destroy him. Jesse Eisenberg may look nervous up there, but at least he had the guts to talk to Zuckerberg directly, SAMBERG. He's had the same girlfriend since Facebook got off the ground! He's a philanthropist! He's a future trillionaire! Or maybe he's just this guy, you know?

The title doesn't refer to Google or Eric Schmidt's awesome twelve years of power over Google. It just sort of IMPLIES referring to it. Dr. Edward Zuckerberg calls himself Facebook's 'literal father.' I now want 'literal' and 'figurative' family relations on my Facebook page. Dated Google's CEO and want your life back? Tough Schmidt.

What's the matter, Sue? Get probed at the airport? I know it's cold comfort, but they say it's about to get better. Wow, Susan's  so mad she's pretty close to reverting to speaking only in memes. What did you DO, Phil?

Phil is also sorry he invested so heavily in Betamax. I was fortunate enough not to make that mistake, although I had thought HD-DVD was going to win out over Blu-Ray. Luckily, I didn't put my money where my mouth was at that time. I guess I didn't really trust my own judgment after all. It was really my father who picked VHS over Beta, so I guess that means I've never been right. Now there's a new format war for me to get wrong! Hooray!

Boy, we hope you're all as sophisticated about this joke as we think. According to Mike Godwin, this strip was inevitable, really. Somebody discounted their own common sense.

Also, its name bears a curious relationship to the letters IBM. Can you imagine being Alex Trebek and staring right into that void for three days straight? C'mon, Watson, just crack a dictionary. ...

Right right, turn off the lights / We gonna lose our minds tonight / What's the dealio?

This page links to context, for those poor fools who don't follow everything T writes already. I suppose it's still better than '17 people hate this, and you, you breaking-up bitch.' Post-breakup, the only thing worse than having to reject loser suitors is NOT having to.

Sundar the Sunderer will rant drunkenly about the future to anyone sufficiently entertained to buy him another. In Charlie Sheen terms, Sundar is 'winning' here. Clearly, Sundar is interested in the minority view that the speed of light is gradually slowing down. Truly a man ahead of his time. You know, it'll just be part of our everyday routine, like dealing with meat-eating monster attacks. Gotta just beat those meat-a-vores into the ground.

Infinite universes, remember? In some, our best line of defense is the My Little Pony Corps. Someday, Facebook will just tell us who's blocking us, and civilization will be imperiled. Friending acquaintances is the new 'neighbor's kid's bar mitzvah.' You participate so a few people think you're a better person than you sometimes suspect you are.

This might actually be an improvement on Carol Bartz's current image. They met in a bar where Harvard class-cutters spend most of their time. Eventually, Valleywaggers had to start snorting cocaine themselves just to have some drug addicts in the industry to write about.

Remember 3DTV? HOW COULD YOU FORGET? IT'S ONLY THE GREATEST THING SINCE EVER, AND NOW A BARGAIN AT HALF THE PRICE. Hm, funny. According to Google Analytics, our referrals from Menage a 3 just doubled. Can you see these tears of desperation on my face? WELL, IMAGINE IF YOU COULD SEE THEM SPLASHING ONTO YOURS!

Samsung should be making computer CHAIRS instead of tablets. Chevrolet should be making centipede bicycles instead of cars. FORD GOT THERE FIRST. Like Pokemon, this is one of the rare areas where it's still okay to have a binary color preference. And even if it weren't-- even if the battery life bowed to the laws of physics and flickered out at last-- somehow it would still be smug.

'I probably should have taken more cameraphone pictures of the economics classes I was hung over in.' Oddly enough, people CHANGE while you don't have any meaningful contact with them for years. Tag! You're it.


Shortest redemption quest ever. Susan likes to quote movies everyone has seen to appear insidery. Don't ask me why she thinks that works. This is true. See? Comics am educational.

Not to be confused with Central Park Muggers Union. 'You are now the Mayor of Crime Alley!' Xenophobia: a fear of strangers. Omniscientixenophobia: a fear of strangers who know EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS' LOCATION AT ALL TIMES.

Frankly, living in D.C. will spoil your foreign-foodie taste buds rotten. It's like GLaDOS, only more serene. It's funny because the system that's causing our sense of direction to atrophy could actually fail at any time.

This is a real sign on Route 13. I almost drove off the road laughing. Seriously. Anyone could draw like this. 'No, no, we were talking Robert Monroe of Out There comics. He did a guest strip for us. Easy mistake.' Dave also knows the secret Anti-Life Equation. Turns out it was u=0 all along. Calculated violence. I really think David Caruso would have made a fantastic Dexter.

WIDGETITIS: Filching ideas with STYLE.

Have you lived in a true telco oligopoly just when phone services have become more important than ever? You will. And the company that'll bring it to you: AT&T. It's really a winning strategy for Verizon, since U.S. antitrust measures will decide whether the merger goes through or not. Opposing it would mean Verizon would waste resources either way. It's just odd to see them admit this. Angry Birds, Apathetic Sheep.

Open, sez-a-me! Yes, a 'joke' that owns the world's most popular browser and operating system. It's... subtle humor. Perhaps this isn't entirely fair. MG Siegler's TechCrunch oeuvre does contain some respectful, balanced reporting. Of Apple-related products.


On the bright side, the gold plating makes the poo smell from the award almost undetectable for the first twenty minutes or so. 'Hey, our employees are our consumers too! Every time they surf entertainment sites at work!' ...How did that one guy sneak in the shotgun?

Ironically, Google really would prefer to discuss this with the FTC behind closed doors. It's true that Google no longer uses 'Don't Be Evil,' but they have yet to come up with a memorable replacement. 'JFGI' is a little family-unfriendly. Facebook's unofficial slogan is 'Conquest.'

As alternate-universe roommates go, you could always do worse, except maybe for that homicidal cockteasing robot from Transformers 2. We're not saying he's a rapist. Just SKEEZY. Wikipique.

We have balls. Get validated here. The encyclopedia that anyone can edit, no matter HOW many felonies they've committed!

Okay, yes, 1987 was too early for most people to know about e-mail, but we thought we'd pretend they had SOME reason for their decision. Seriously, we keep reading this one as Ace-EEE-ur. ...and stole a color scheme from a company the kids are actually excited about.

And hey, didn't Sean Parker also suffer a convenient arrest just as he might have gotten too much control over Facebook? Just sayin'. Crackedberry? We'd say 'RIP Flip,' but that implies too much mourning. How about 'Flip the Blip?'

DANCE! DANCE! '...Dance?!'

'And can't you just find him by bending the Matrix to your will or something, Laurence?' Hope we didn't spoil virtually every episode of this show for you. Eventually, we'll start tricking criminals into announcing their whereabouts as they commit crimes, just to unlock Foursquare's 'Kingpin' badge.

Personifying Amazon.com as Wonder Woman may represent our creative peak. And then Amazon wonders why some of us are concerned about the switch from paper books to digital. Cloud 99.999%.

I mean, it didn't even have a FENCE. Genius is never appreciated in its own time. BUT IT'S BEEN SIX YEARS NOW-- WHAT'S THE HOLDUP, PEOPLE? Thank you, Vera Svechina, for proving my point without actually hurting anybody.

We could give you some kind of listing of all the patent lawsuits filed in the last year, but honestly, we think you'll be happier reading literary criticism about Bill Watterson.

We wish we WERE making this stuff up, sometimes. Also, Primatech from Heroes is mirrored by at least five real-life companies... though some of them may have antedated the series and been less than thrilled to discover their name now synonymous with evil. There's a real 'Blue Sun,' a real 'Yoyodyne,' a real 'GeneCo' and 'GENeco,' Kansas City's first ISP was named 'The Tyrell Corporation'... and there's a real 'Omni Consumer Products,' which specializes in 'defictionalization.' Seems like a growth industry.

Four of these buttons are real. Do you know which four?


We're 'expanding' our business to serve other, more successful manufacturers. Sounds better than 'enslaving,' somehow. Granted, every tech company plans some obsolescence, but Blackberry makes its products obsolete WHILE SELLING THEM, BEFORE SELLING NEW ONES. (squish)

Sure, recruit bloggers to smear Google! They hate all Google products anyway, especially Blogger. 'This is PUBLICLY AVAILABLE INFO! We don't know why someone hasn't jumped on it already. YOU'RE WELCOME, JOURNALISTS.' Like glass. Like a house made of glass. With a stone-throwing app.

No, seriously. Look at all these sheets! LOOK AT THEM. WE NEED YOU TO LOOK AT THEM. BUY THE SHEETS! TELL SHEEX GIZMODO SENT YOU! But don't tell anyone else.

This time, one link has you covered. All dialogue in this strip consists of actual direct quotes from this article. This time, one link has you covered. All dialogue in this strip consists of actual direct quotes from this article. This time, one link has you covered. All dialogue in this strip consists of actual direct quotes from this article.

Will the next permutation of the fad be known as 'walking the plank?' Will the next permutation of the fad be known as 'walking the plank?' Will the next permutation of the fad be known as 'walking the plank?'

'Our time to post a tweet, that is! Let's not get ahead of ourselves!' Somehow I don't think these were the conditions Upton Sinclair was talking about. Like soldiers, they sometimes relax by lying motionlessly, face down. Only they do it to get their pictures taken, not because they're dying.

Sometimes there are REASONS why no one has done a certain thing before. Like smells teen spirit. Velma and Shaggy are far from an ideal match, which is what makes them fun, but Shaggy's prospects outside his social circle are less 'fun' and more 'depressing.'

The, er, distinguished Dean... ...the Money Madman... ...and the bouncing Ball.

Maybe a pinata? Charlie Sheen's employability? My cat's emotional security?

This first panel really happened. This is the best explanation we can think of. ...This panel is just pure spite.

They'll probably be on their freakin' THIRD KID in five years. Oh, young people, how we hate you and your problem-free lives. This strip occurs about two hours before the one linked at this link. CONTINUITY! There's a lot about Dora's past that's worth leaving in the past. Especially Tim Burton Batman buttons. Not like Jeph Jacques broke them up just to spite us personally, or anything. It's GEOFF JOHNS we secretly suspect of doing things just to spite us. It's easy to get them confused.

Jobs's most important press release: 'When I said this year would be the year of the copycats, I wasn't talking about us.'

Ever notice how the URLs of certain articles show their original titles, before somebody looks over them and says 'Who would care about THAT? Make it sexier'? Schmidt and 'social behavior' go together like the Joker and 'humor,' in that he technically has some but you don't want to get any on you. Recently, Schmidt co-invested in a new social startup with a more down-with-the-people, well-balanced sort: Lady Gaga.

Havin' to hire interns to scan 'em 'cause I'm too big a jerk to release 'em electronically? They're soooo lamestream. How he got all the Republicans to believe she was Presidential timber remains a mystery.

Crisis in Infinite Stores. We really look like this. YOU'RE WELCOME, NATION.

Singing Soprano. Jersey Roar. Gropin'.

Or maybe it's so you can filter scary movies through your fingers. Too-Mobile.

i means I. Not you. So when *I* call it the iRobot, I just mean MYRobot. Like waiting for the bus, if the bus is full of frothing litigators. Link: Fujitsu Jiujitsu.

I always appreciate helpful tips from my ad provider, even if they are yelled at me. One wonders why they even bother OFFERING the 'lesser' ad formats without telling us about that performance differential WHEN we choose them. Ban stammer.

The G-Man is basically our Thomas Nast elephant. Clickjawed. 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 grains of sand to count! For you! ALL FOR YOU.

The Obfuscated Man. [This one is for you, Twilight Zone fans.] Nice to see all the time Google's spent in court paying off. No, I didn't really answer these questions this facetiously, but seriously, WTF. Deaf sentence.

It happens. This also happens. And you remember the story at this link, right? I mean, assuming nothing ever changes about this aspect of the tech world, which is always a safe assumption to make, right?

They were planning to pay it all in Susan B. Anthony dollars. It's not even an irrational number. He's eccentric like that. He's actually a God-mocking fusion of six other beings with no will of his own, just like the actual Mick Jagger.


One might say he's just... 'Anonymous' to us! HAR! You just don't understand our ways, man. Everybody knows that when you break up an organization, you can't be prosecuted for crimes you committed within the organization! Right? Oh, now you're just being a fascist.

I 'O' U.

'For example, if I have a group of even numbers, they all know who else is in the group of even numbers. And thus, they meet in secret and plot.' 'I get all my definitions from URBAN Dictionary now. And friend polls.' Mostly old-fashioned groups, Zuck. You wouldn't have been invited to join them.

Just one link today, because you really don't need to be told what Tron is, do you? We have faith in your cultural literacy.

Sent from my iZone.

We almost used 'Be nice to nerds, chances are you'll end up working for one...' here, but it turns out that's already a trollquote. For a certain value of 'open.' Munroe's just writing half our strips by now. If this strip confuses you, see the text below, too.

... Honestly, you have to wonder how serious this is, sometimes. Let's see if this link gets anything deleted.

Hey, you know what ISN'T crowdsourcing gone wrong? This link, right here. PLUG PLUG. But seriously, something's a little off about a system where the most-funded item is multi-touch wristwatches. We're already closer than you think.

In 1999, Lycos was too damn IMPORTANT to merge with USA Networks. In 1999, Google was still something only the nerdcorest nerds knew about. In 1999, we thought a computer error might wipe out the Internet in 2000. This explains why most of our homepages from this time look like pure shit.

Giles, we love you and all, but when you talk about the Internet you kind of sound like an asshole. Also, does that 'smell' thing mean that new Mark Twain editions are inherently inferior to old ones? You know, don't even answer that. Okay, seriously? It took them SIX YEARS to give Buffy a cell phone, and then they immediately forgot about it again, after she dropped it without breaking it. BUFFY'S FRIENDS ARE PEOPLE WHO NEED TO COORDINATE THEIR EFFORTS AGAINST THE MONSTERS THEY FACE, ALL THE TIME, and EVERY teenager in my school had a cell when the show STARTED airing. Seriously. Seriously. By 2002, Google was already the most popular search-results provider in the world. It was no longer geeks-only knowledge. What's really sad is that the writers probably thought that even mentioning the company's name made them seem cool.

Poor Lion-O spends about half the premiere being treated like an OCD case, just because he's the only one who thinks his collectibles have any value. The fools! They should ALL have been collectors! By the way, Thundercats toys are on sale now. This is one instance where a LACK of curiosity killed the cat. Considering they must have kept this tech secret for YEARS while taking racist crap from the Thundercats every DAY, I almost think the Lizard People DESERVE to conquer Thundera.

A rebuttal. When it takes this alt text longer to pop up, do you get mildly frustrated, or do you prefer the THRILL OF THE HUNT? This whole strip was originally going to be a Babylon 5 joke about Babylon 5 no longer being available for streaming, but three pop-culture TV icons in three strips seemed a bit much.

Just one link today: an apology for not running this piece last week, when it would've been more appropriate. But I'm sure sysadmins won't be surprised by being ignored until it's too late.

But combining Frank Welker with a vocoder, that was just ART. WE CONTROL THE HORIZONTAL. WE CONTROL THE VERTICAL. He needs a name. Thumbbreaker? Homerage? Ooh, how about 'Soulzucker?'

FOLLOWERS! Woodward, Bernstein and Deep Link. The Sludge Report.

How ironic that when you search for them by phone... you know? Oh, come on, it's at least a LITTLE ironic. If you think we're exaggerating, you've never worked customer service in a bookstore.

'Dress for the job you want.' Most tech guys apparently want to be mental patients.

Am I the only one who finds this 'submit' thing a little disquieting?

'I'm like a philosopher, only I don't know as many words.' 'I mean, it's like I'm in this space with you right now, only not, you know?' Maybe the company should rename itself 'Stickr?'

Isn't that cute? He thinks this acquisition is like a merger. Clique here.

You can hardly blame them, really. Going out on a classic, if not classy, note. I mean, really, we need your full name so we can sell your personal information to advertisers. What about this is hard to understand?

Google Minus. Definite articles will not save you now, Tyler! Associating with those one-namers? He did you a favor, really. It's that kind of tough love that's leading him to shutter his laboratories. Googlers are the ones, and you are all the zeroes.

Before Netscape, the Internet wasn't pictures of cats! It was Star Trek fan-fiction. SCIENTIFICALLY RESEARCHED Star Trek fan-fiction. Bringing the global economy to Santa Cruz, California. Thankfully, with that money they were able to WORK OUT THE BUGS! HA! (If you think that joke's hilarious, wait till you hear how they named themselves.) No? Then how about a name like 'Google,' one people will just THINK sounds dirty? People couldn't get enough of those BLINK tags! Because if they tried to get enough of them, they'd have seizures. Windows: Opaque. Something DID shift from 99 back to 0 in 2000! It just took a bit longer than January 1. INSERT SELF-DEPRECATING HUMOR ABOUT SELF-PUBLISHED WEBCOMICS HERE. Eventually, Clark Kent and Peter Parker will have to make a living as bloggers. Coming soon: GoodWorks, the social network that gets you to Heaven once you earn enough Indulgence Points (TM). 'See if our friends in the Nigerian royalty can help get the word out!' Watch yourself, now! Now our company just needs a cutely misspelled name... like 'Souleatr.' Coming next: the iEye. #yourattentionspanstooshorttorememberthispromiseanyway Don't be surprised if people start making a mouseclick gesture instead of applauding at the end of concerts. Also, they got no ability to keep a secret from people who might share it on the Internet. Dumbclucks. Just think, if not for Netscape, we might have had to find him with a chatterbot.